Been A While

I haven’t updated this blog in a while. I meant to two nights ago. Due to the snowstorm, I was in a hotel, thanks to my job. I ended up updating my Tumblr blogs, but didn’t get around to this one. Not that I didn’t have anything to say, I just wanted to make my next post a good one.

I think one thing I can blame the dry spell in posts is my lack of free time lately. I’ve been covering for a coworker of mine who took three weeks off to go to Florida. It’s hard to find time when you’re delivering to two buildings every day and having several other things to occupy your time. Anyway, enough about work, this is supposed to be a non-vanilla blog.

A couple weeks ago, S and I had a scene in the living room. She tied me up by the fireplace and used Her rhythm canes on my bare ass, thighs, and feet. Sometimes it hurt, other times it felt great, and therapeutic. I screamed a bit, and finally cried, yet no tears came out. It was a beautiful release.

I helped give S an orgasm on Sunday. It was the first time in a while. Suckling on Her right breast, gently rubbing my fingers around Her labia and clit, feeling Her wetness. Once I felt it, I inserted a finger, then another. I massaged around the inside of Her pussy while I suckled on her breast. She grabbed one of Her vibrators, put it between my palm and Her crotch, and I massaged it into Her while moving my fingers around inside Her. It was amazing, She climaxed, squeezed my hand between her thighs, and we lay there in bed for a little while longer. I hope to do that again this weekend, maybe more.

It’s been a few weeks since my last orgasm, but I’m finding this denial period helpful to me. I feel like I’ve evolved a bit more in some ways. I’m more cuddly with S. I feel more submissive now than before. I think I’ve also discovered the more She touches me, the easier my body feels aroused. S got Her hair cut a bit shorter the other day. I find it sexy on Her. Her androgynous energy turns me on a lot. I think about Her all the time. I think I’m starting to get more in touch with my emotions with Her. It’s been hard for me to be fully open, even if I have been feeling like I was before. I’m learning that I may have broken off more layers of this protective shell I’ve hid everything away in for so long.

Monday, I was in a hotel room for the night, because my job put me up in one. I missed S so much, I arranged the pillows on the bed so I could spoon them, like I spoon S every night in bed. I also took some pictures as I was feeling not only submissive, but slutty.

The bath shot was from before the other shots, and I’m still nicely marked from the rhythm canes.

Bound in Boston is this weekend, I look forward to whatever activities S has planned for us. It’s good to have a weekend to get away and indulge.


Fetish Flea and The Weekend

This weekend, I went to my fourth overall con with S, and my second Fetish Flea (technically third, but I didn’t get to experience it the way it was intended). We attended some interesting classes, two of which were presented by Midori. She was entertaining and educational, I really enjoyed her, as I think everyone else did. Her interrogation and humiliation demos were fantastic!

The tying your man down class was fun, as it always is. I love being tied up. I also believe the instructor really likes us. The hypnosis classes were good too. I feel like doing the demonstrations in the class can’t work as well compared to doing it privately. I found it hard to focus. I also think the hand gestures used to put me under made it hard to keep a straight face. Both classes were informative as well. The bastinado class was incredibly short, and the instructor reminded me a lot of Amy Poehler. The chastity class was great. There wasn’t much that she taught that I hadn’t seen, read, or heard of online, but I enjoyed the class greatly. I’ve enjoyed the chastity experience I’ve been having, and I think the course increased my desire to be caged. The Chakra class was a tough one. The breathing exercises were moving too fast, and it was incredibly hard to focus when you are in a room next door to Rocky Horror. I had a hard time keeping up with the instructor’s pace, but it did help with relaxation and replenishing/increasing energy.

I got to meet S’ friend J, who she’s known for a long time. He’s cute, very sweet. We got to meet his Domme and Her husband and a few of their friends/partners(?) over dinner at a Thai restaurant. It was my first time wearing my kilt outside of a kink event, so I was a bit nervous, self-conscious at first. But nobody gave any judgmental looks or stares.

We had a scene later on that night. I was feeling slutty and got on all fours, almost into a yoga pose. She gently touched my back with Her right hand, gliding down to my ass. With Her left hand, She teased my nipples. Breathing heavy and softly moaning, She teased my asshole with Her finger. I could feel the excitement in my cock as it began to drip and harden slightly. She stopped for a moment to get a towel to put under me. She also grabbed some lube, a glove, and Her cock (I believe). She put the lube on my ass, massaged and inserted a finger, which turned into two, and I could feel Her rubbing my prostate as She teased my nipples, cock, and balls with her other hand. I could feel the in and out action increase a bit, and I think She had started to insert a third finger. That’s when my heavy breathing and moaning turned into screaming. The pleasure of Her hitting my prostate was increasing, but I was starting to feel some pain as I hadn’t stretched my ass like that in a while- I hadn’t been plugged or fucked with a dildo in quite a while, so it hurt a bit. She knew she may have gone too far because of my strange sounds, so She asked if She should stop. I said yes, because I was close to saying the safe word anyway. When we stopped, I told Her I love Her, and She lay down and then I kissed Her, licked and suckled on Her nipples, working my way down. I licked, kissed Her inner thighs, and sucked on Her labia, kissed and licked Her clit, breathing in Her natural scent, taking Her all in, and licking Her to satisfy our hunger. She needed and deserved an orgasm, much more than I did. I played with Her nipples, tasted Her pussy, and moaned into her as I licked up her juices. I could feel Her thighs squeeze my head, and afterward She pushed me away, which I’m guessing She climaxed.

We talked more about safe words, when to say them, why I haven’t said any yet, and how it doesn’t help with trust. Honestly, I have been wanting to say it, but I keep wanting to test my limits, which I don’t know if we have reached them yet, with the exception of the ass play that night. I feel like I have a high tolerance for pain and punishment, and perhaps I haven’t been truly broken yet. We might have to push me further.

One of the things S purchased was a leather harness. She told me if I hit the gym and got in better shape, She would buy me one. I was surprised to learn with the weight/fat loss/muscle gain, I fit into a small harness instead of a medium. I love the harness, and I almost want to wear it every night when I get home, along with my collar. Speaking of collars, She also purchased a leather bow tie, and we had my collar cleaned at the bootblacking station. She also picked up a few other sticks to add to Her arsenal.

Monday, we slept in for quite a while. It eventually turned into me licking Her yummy pussy while She encouraged me with her feet to move my ass in the air, telling me to get ready for his cock to fuck me right. She then had me lay on my back, positioned Her pussy over my face so I could lick it some more, but more so She could tease my perineum. After some caressing, rubbing down there, She got me hard enough to get on top and said “show me you want it” and I began to thrust my hips. I think something must have driven me over the edge because I felt myself cum after a few thrusts, I barely lasted thirty seconds, if that even. After all that, S didn’t cum. I felt guilty not giving Her what She deserved.

Later that night, I asked if I could wear my harness. She said “only if you’re plugged” which I gladly made sure I was. My ass felt better by then. I was ordered to insert the plug in front of Her, so She could watch it go in, and hear me moan as it made its way inside me. We watched two episodes of Altered Carbon before I was allowed to take out the plug. My ass needs more training.

Overall, it was a fun weekend. I can’t wait for BiB next month.


Yesterday I modeled nude for an art event. It was my first time and I enjoyed it. The mood was lightened when the musician started playing a Little Mermaid song during my first pose. It was hard not to laugh, but I mostly kept my pose. Second pose was tougher, but it was a lot of fun. I think I may have found my calling, lol.

I had an interesting thing happen today just before I left work. I had to pee quickly, so I went to the bathroom. After I finished, I zipped up and felt the urge to go again. I unzipped, got my cock out, and not pee, but something that looked like cum came out. It was like I came, but I didn’t. It was only a couple of droplets. I was really confused by this. I wonder if this is a result of being restricted on my orgasms. My last one was on the 28th(?), I wonder if this is my body adjusting to orgasm denial.

This weekend is the Flea, and I can’t wait. There are some classes I look forward to, and meeting up with some people I’ve met at parties and classes, as well as people S knows that I’ll finally get to meet in person. I have some money saved up, I’m looking forward to seeing what vendors will have too.


Sunday Cumday

I should have mentioned earlier that S allowed me to cum Sunday morning (27 days since the previous on 1/1?), but only while She could too. She continued to ride me afterward to see if I could cum again, but after my orgasm, I got giggly because the sensation is too much. It’s something relatively new to me. Before being with S, I never giggled after an orgasm. I noticed I got more vocal as I approached orgasm. This tease/denial/chastity thing is really exciting for me. I feel like it can be more rewarding than if I were allowed to cum every night. That’s how being single was, for me at least. I would get home, look at some porn or read some stories on Literotica late at night before bed, and masturbate until I came once (or twice, if I wasn’t satisfied enough). It was routine for me, and I think it got boring. She has control of my orgasms now, so anytime I cum, it’s for Her, and it feels like Christmas and my birthday combined when I get to cum. Maybe my next time I cum for Her I can lick Her clean afterward to show my appreciation and gratefulness to Her.


23 Days

23 days without an orgasm may not be long for those in chastity, but as a relative newbie to the situation, it feels like it’s been a while. I feel like it’s affected my dreams too. The past few nights in my dreams have involved me bonding with Ross Marquand over The Walking Dead, and two times hanging out with Josh Brolin. I vaguely remember the first one, but in the second dream he was picking me up at a bus stop to bring me to work. He handed me a cardboard cutout of himself as Negan from The Walking Dead. It was really strange to me, seeing as I haven’t seen many of his movies. I only know him as the older brother from The Goonies, and Thanos from the Marvel films. Both are attractive men (Josh and Ross), but I don’t know what would’ve happened had the dreams continued. As long as S was there to give me permission, maybe I could put on a show for her.

I wish I was going straight home tonight so I could be naked and at Her feet. Sadly, I’m going to my other job at the moment, likely going to be restocking the floor, dusting some shelves, doing what I can to not be distracted with fantasizing of S tying me up and running a knife down my chest, or choking me just before I pass out, or using Her evil stick with a star at the end to turn my ass into a starry night. I hope that will be in my near future. Perhaps being plugged while She does any of that could be a bonus.


Living a Happy Life

Since I’ve been with S, I’ve really never been happier. I feel more open to be the person I see myself as- submissive to Her, always doing to my best ability what I can to make Her happy, Her life easier, and it makes me happy to be in a relationship like this. Not a day goes by where I don’t imagine just being Her stay at home house boy, where I just have to focus on keeping the house in order. I don’t have to wear anything other than my collar. I can snap some nude selfies and send them to Her on Her lunch break. When She gets home, I greet her on my knees at the door and take off her boots. After dinner, I get on all fours and she can rest her feet on me like a footstool- of course, after I’ve presented her with a glass of wine. Perhaps a bonus could be that I do all this while plugged.

Alas, it may be a fantasy, but hopefully it can become a reality someday. Another thing I was thinking about today was while I was working out. I kept wondering what everyone at the gym thinks about while they’re working out. As someone who has numerous thoughts passing through my brain at the same time, it can be crowded in there. However, during my workout, I look at myself in the mirror and observe how far I’ve come in such a short amount of time. How much fat I’ve managed to burn off my body. How much more muscle I’ve gained through intense workouts. I keep wondering why the belly hasn’t fully gone away. I know it will in time, but I wish that would go quicker rather than later. I picture myself harnessed in rope, leashed, and following S around. My imagination kind of takes off. I start thinking about how much more intense scenes with knife play, paddles, evil sticks, etc., will be, because the extra padding I had before is disappearing and muscle is taking its place. I think, while stretching, how I’m pushing my body to be more flexible, so She can tie me in more unique poses/positions. I think about how my last orgasm was New Year’s Day, and I’m not sure when my next one will be, but I will be giving Her more orgasms, whether it be with my mouth, fingers, or my cock. I get such a thrill through my body when I get denied. I think back to this one time I went down on Her in Her comfy chair, and how She was talking to me about a bull coming up to me to fuck my ass, so I’d put my ass up a bit higher and arch my back so he could take me as he wishes. I think a lot about these things while I work out, and sometimes I feel that’s what drives me, what motivates me through the workouts. I usually go into it like “what will I do today” and by the time I’m fully dressed, got Rammstein playing on my earbuds, I usually know what I’m doing, and I let the music and my thoughts motivate me. So, going back to what I originally said, I wonder what the other people at the gym think about while working out- I wonder if their thoughts are tamer than mine.

I apologize for sounding vain by talking about my body, but exercise has been a major part of my routine lately, and it’s been good for me for so many different reasons. The kinky thoughts help me through my workouts so I’m not bored.


Four Months

Today marks four months with my nipples pierced. There isn’t as much crusty buildup when I go to clean them. I think is is mostly due due to maintaining the cleaning as recommended. They haven’t bled in a few weeks, and it wasn’t much blood, like a spot or two. When S played with them, the pain tolerance was higher, they didn’t hurt a bit. My nipples have somewhat grown from what they were before I got them pierced, they seem to be wider. I think I’m due for newer, shorter bars soon.

Also, I had an interesting dream last night. S surprised me with two chastity cages, one plastic and one steel. Based on how they fit, She would allow me to keep one and send the other back. The steel one fit tighter, was shorter, and gave me a bit of discomfort. The plastic one was roomier to accommodate my “grower, not a shower” cock. Unfortunately, I woke up before I could find out which one I ended up with. I’m betting the steel.

I’ve been weighing myself occasionally after my workouts to see if there has been any weight loss progress. Today, I weighed myself and I’m at 174. I got as low as 169 one time. This week I’ve been taking a break on rowing, focusing more on weights. I’ve been noticing more toning/definition in my biceps, quads are more solid, and my glutes are getting tighter/firmer. My love handles have nearly disappeared, and I’ve noticed my stomach fat has been slowly disappearing. The abs always take the longest to slim down, but when I flex the abs, I can feel the muscles. I may not have the bodybuilder mold, but I feel better about my physique, I feel sexier. I find myself thinking while I’m at work about how badly I wish I could just be naked all the time, at S’ feet, feeling Her caress my head with Her nails.


Happy New Year!

Two days into the new year, and I’m wishing I didn’t have to go back to work. I have to say though, this is the only way to make money until I win the lottery. Anyway, the new year started off great. I was allowed to cum. I came for the first time in 2-3 weeks, maybe longer. I kind of lost count, as working two jobs will do that to you- keep you distracted from the fact you haven’t had an orgasm in a while.

Here it is, third day of the new year, and S has Her daughter visiting until Friday, unless the weather changes plans on us. This has been an interesting week so far, since I can’t really strut around the house wearing only my collar. It’s been a real pleasure meeting Her daughter though, she’s wonderful.

I don’t have resolutions. I have goals to set for myself. I’ve been working out a lot, and I continue to do so, perhaps stepping up my routine. I want to look yummy for S. I want to make Her proud of Her boy. I want to have the body that looks great in a harness, or tied up, or both. My piercings are healing, so new jewelry is on my list this year, along with a tattoo or more. I’m sure at some point this year, we will be looking into a cage for me, since I am enjoying the chastity/denial so far. I’ve been feeling more submissive because of it, and I find it hot to be denied, left frustrated that She won’t allow me to cum.

I think this will be the year where the kink increases on all levels in our relationship. I very much look forward to it too.


Merry Belated Christmas!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. It’s about more than just gifts, who got the better gifts, etc. I feel like as we get older it’s more about the people you spend it with- friends and family, getting together, sharing stories, airing grievances about the year as it comes to an end.

We spent an hour or so with my mom and her friend. We went to the Chinese Buffet not far from where she lives. Food was mediocre, but I enjoyed myself. It was politics-free conversation and just sharing stories of all types.

The majority of the day I spent with S. While She sat in Her comfy chair, I happily got some housework done- dishes, cat litter mat, taking out the trash and recycling, and swept up cat litter in the basement. When I was finished with housework, I got naked, and S put on my collar. We watched Peaky Blinders while drinking Barrel Aged Old Rasputin from 2013. Just before Doctor Who came on, S had me bring a pillow and blanket over to the floor in front of the comfy chair. I was ordered to give Her an orgasm before the episode started. I’ve realized I’m a little too ambitious when I see Her pussy because I just dove right in, and She told me that several times before. Because of the way I was positioned, She put visions in my head of being plugged while I service Her. It evolved to feeling a man grab my hips and fuck me while I service Her. After several minutes She said “Get hard”, so I got myself hard. She then ordered me to lie on the floor. She put my cock inside Her, proceeded to fuck me while I suckled and massaged Her beautiful breasts. She eventually came, and then She told me to clean up. She asked if I came, and when I told her I hadn’t, she said “Good.” I feel like being teased and denied has enhanced my sex life like I never imagined.

I wish I didn’t have to work tonight or tomorrow night, because one of the gifts S got me for Christmas was this beautifully colored rope. I got a little spacey when I smelled it, I can’t wait for Her to tie me up in it. She also got me a flogger with chains, which looks really cool, and feels cold against my naked body.

She showed me a picture of a guy with a chastity cage on. I am wondering if that is my next step, as She even took the wiring from the bottle of beer we had last night and put it over my cock. I have been intrigued by it, and would be open to trying it out.


Belated Post

(I started this post just before the weekend, never finished it, but I’ll publish it anyway. I’m following up with another one.)

Christmas is just around the corner. I forgot to mention it a few weeks ago, but it’s been three months (going on four) since my nipples got pierced. No blood, minimal crustiness. I think they’re getting closer to fully healed. They still hurt a little when pressure is put on them, but it doesn’t bother me as much.

I weighed myself the other day after my workout. I’m down to 169 lbs. That’s a weight I haven’t been since I was in my late 20s. It’s exciting to get back to a lighter weight, but I would really like to see the gut/belly disappear. It’s the hardest part about working out. You want to see these results happen quickly, but that’s the kind of progress that is a slow process. When I was working out in front of the mirror yesterday, I could start to see my abs as I did squats and lunges. I’ve also been incorporating stretching my legs in before and after my workouts. My hamstrings feel sore, but I feel I’ve become more flexible because of it.

I know this isn’t exactly related to other posts in this blog, but I think in a sense it’s connected to it. The more I work out, the better shape I will be in. The better shape I’m in, the more likely I’ll be showing off my body in what ever way S decides is suitable to Her desires.