CBT, Chastity, Tease/Denial, and Genital Piercings

So, I think back to my last orgasm, and it has to be around three weeks. I’ve been busy with work, so I haven’t done a great job of keeping track. But anyway, I have enjoyed the little teasing and denial I have encountered, and usually it just takes a little touch. It can be anywhere. On my head, a twirling of my chest hair, teasing of my nipples, or any form of foot play on my cock. Oh, the joys of having my cock under Her foot. I love when She makes it disappear, and the pressure of the foot on it triggers my arousal. The foreskin slips back, leaving the tip vulnerable to touch, gentle or rough, and it’s more intense. It can be more fun when pressure is applied to my balls. I love when She squeezes them, in Her hands or with Her feet. I visualize it, a lot, and think about the beautiful color of Her toenails that She just got done, and I get into a zone.

I recall a while back how S wants to eventually get into sounding. I watched a video a long time ago on some site where a Domme used sounds on a sub, putting them in his urethra. As painful as it looked, I couldn’t stop watching. It really intrigued me. I don’t know much about sounding, I wonder if it’s something I would enjoy. Knowing what S has tried on me so far, I’ll probably love it. I’ve never had anything inserted in my urethra, so I bet it will feel very strange at first.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is genital piercings. The only reason I’ve been thinking about them is because my nipples are pretty much healed at this point (although I do have a red spot developing on my right nipple, but that’ll go away eventually), and S had mentioned the Prince Albert piercing a few times since then.

So I did some research on the Wikipedia page, and found various piercings I could get. I don’t know about the ones on the left, but the frenum piercing looked like it would be nice out of that group. The ones on the right, I think either variation of the Prince Albert would look good. I keep thinking of the pain and healing factor. It looks like on average, the max healing time is six months. As an uncut male, I don’t know how much more intense the piercing will be, like when I actually get it pierced. I did put together a collage of photos of my cock, to make a little bit of a comparison.

Its a lot to think about, and a commitment to getting my genitals pierced, much like I did with my nipples. I haven’t looked into prices yet, because I’m still not fully sure yet. I will say that my interest in getting it done has gone from “never” to about 58% want to get it done. I feel like piercings are like tattoos- once you get one, you want more.


Happy Pride!

Ok, so we may not have made it to Pride Rhode Island, but we celebrated by watching some Queer Eye the night before. We also watched Sense8’s series finale earlier in the week.

I did get S a couple presents. I purchased a non-binary flag, along with an nb planet t-shirt. It’s adorable. I was so excited to get Her something fun.

I’ve noticed it’s been a little over nine months since I got my nipples pierced. The left one is pretty much healed, next to no crustiness at all. The right one has shown major progress over the last month. No more spots of blood, and next to no crustiness as well. I’ve been thinking about whether or not it’s time to get shorter bars or even upgrade to hoops.

It has also brought me to thinking about whether I want to follow through with any other piercings, like a Prince Albert. I’m not sure I’m ready for it, but I may start researching it sometime. I think another tattoo may come before I decide on another piercing. I’ve been thinking of a few ideas. One would be a bi pride flag either as an armband or just above the ankle, another one could be my grandmother’s initials in scrabble tiles, and another idea I was thinking was a heart where it’s half bi flag, half non binary flag to represent S and myself as partners. Just some brainstorming.

I also think watching Queer Eye has increased my interest in trying things with other men. I occasionally find myself thinking about making out, caressing, or even fucking a guy. I’ve never been more open to it more than now. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m in a relationship where I’m encouraged, or if it’s because I came out as bi last year, and the feelings just kind of flow. It’s an interesting journey.

I’ve also thought a lot about tease/denial, and how I enjoy it. I feel that I grow more submissive, more cuddly every day that passes. It also brings the idea of me being in chastity to my mind. I’ve said I’d be willing to take that step. I think it would be fun. Maybe it could start with weekends, and progress from that. I don’t know, the possibilities are endless.

It’s been an uncomfortable week weather wise, and I’ve been working a lot at both jobs, so not much else has been going on.

I’ve Been Quiet

I know it’s been a while, but I blame it mostly on work. There has been so much random shit going on at both jobs. At the full time gig, we just got a new software update that has MAJOR flaws, as in it keeps crashing, and the server can’t handle it. At the part time job, we have lost a few of our coworkers, as one left for a brewing job, and two others moved back to their home states. It’s been hard to break out of the workplace mentality after I leave work. Perhaps blogging more can help change that.

Enough about work, that’s not the point of this blog. I think one thing I haven’t done in a while is plug myself, but I think the last time I tried that, my plug wouldn’t stay in place. It slipped out, making me wonder if a few possibilities. Is my ass stretched out too much for that plug? Did I use too much lube? Was I not empty enough for it to stay in place? I’m pretty sure I was, though. Whatever the case may be, I’ve been thinking maybe I’ll give the plug another try this weekend, and if it doesn’t stay in place, perhaps I should get a bigger one. There’s also a glass one that S had before She took me in, maybe I could try that one at some point. It’s got two notches(if that’s the term?), I bet it would feel good inside me and stay in place.


Saturday, we went to a charity auction where people could bid for services from other people or bid for items in another room via silent auction. There were some interesting items and services up for grabs. S allowed me to bid on two different services, one which S won for me. This particular service the guy was offering was called a whipcasso, which is painting someone with a whip.

I had only tried out a whip once before in a demo, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. The feeling was interesting! The first strike was cold and wet, as the tip was dipped in paint. The more he struck me, the more I felt the tip of the whip and not the paint. Each strike got harder and I could feel it burn. He would stop for a bit, and dip the tip in a different color. Since this was a new experience to me, I wasn’t sure when or where my breaking point would be, but I eventually broke and used the safe word. I hadn’t used it before, as I felt like I could continue on, but when a whip hits the same spot multiple times with the same intensity, it’s enough to break anyone.

I had a lot of fun, and it’s something I’d highly recommend.

A Quick Month

It’s been almost a month since my last post. I’m also proud to say it’s been a month since my last orgasm. It’s been more my body not being on the same page as my mind though. S did do something fun this past Sunday- placed Her new vibrator against my ass while She grinded me on top. I had not had that kind of pleasure before, the same as when She put it up against my nipples. My cock didn’t show it, but I was really aroused. I wondered what it would be like being teased with the vibrator while tied up. That could be a lot of fun.

This also marks seven months of my nipples being pierced. The left one appears to be mostly healed, while the right one gets an occasional blood blister, occasionally bleeds a little when I clean it too. I can’t believe it’s been this long. I wish the right one would heal faster though, so I can try new jewelry.

Bound In Boston

This weekend that passed was the last Bound in Boston, and my second one overall. It was an emotional one for everyone involved, as well as those of us who attended. I was sad near the end, because as I was just getting into the scene, this convention was nearing its end. I would have loved to go to more of these events, but I’m sure there will be others that will rise from its ashes (as they’ve already announced a new event starting next March, around the same time).

S and I had attended several amazing classes. One class, She was a demo top/bottom, the class was about educating everyone about the various types of people who are rope tops, based on different levels of expertise, consent-aware, etc. It was entertaining and educational. We also attended a futo class, gravity boot class, partner stretching class, pressure points class, Thai massage class, and a sadistic tying class. I’m sure there are a couple others I forgot, but that’s most of the ones we attended together. I went to a class about poise and posture in service. It was good, but not very demonstrative/hands-on. We enjoyed most of the classes. However, some of them could have used a capacity limit. It’s hard to practice what you learn in class when you have limited mobility/space.

The first night, we went to the play party. It’s was difficult to find a spot in either room that worked, but we found a massage table. Apparently, while S was talking up a new friend, one couple came over to ask if I was using the tables. I told them I was waiting for my partner. They asked if they could use one, and were eyeing the one I had our stuff on, and I was like “no, my partner has a height issue,” and the woman said “I have one too.” When S finally came over, we got stuck with the other table because the couple just started laying out their shit on the table we had. Whatever. Once S started getting down to business with me on the table, apparently the guy complained to a DM about us being too loud and disruptive during their time. Idiots. I kept an eye on them the whole con after that. Anyway, She gave me some nice markings with the evil sticks in that particular scene. The next night, S decided we should try wax play, which is something I’ve been curious about since going to a couple classes at cons and other events. She put a lot of spots all over my back- I looked like, as She put it, like I had pox on my back. The candles were pretty hot, the sensual feeling of the hot wax was awesome. The removal afterward, however, was painful in some spots, as I am a hairy guy in most places on my body. Once I was cleaned of all the wax, She engages in some breath play, hypnosis, and knife play. Knife play was fun, as always. She even etched a heart on my back, as well as “MINE!!!” on my back. The word is still visible on my back. Hypnosis was exciting because She made it so my nipples were buttons that increased my horniness- I’d get harder, and I’d hump the air rhythmically, based on how fast She’d rub my nipple. I may not have cum from doing that, but I definitely oozed precum on myself. She got on top and continued to play with my nipples, and I continued to hump away. I came inside Her in no time, finished with a chuckle. At that moment, She began to tickle me. I was so loud, I’m pretty sure anyone waiting for an elevator or getting ice could hear me laughing. The next morning, we had a scene where She got on top again and did some role playing. She was playing a scenario in my head where a guy was fucking me with his cock and She was mimicking the thrusts while She played the scenario. I spread my legs further, saying “yes Sir” and moving along with the thrusts. I never got fully hard, but I was really turned on by the whole scene. One of the things I’ve often been thinking about since S came out as non-binary is I’ve thought about whether I should continue to call Her Ma’am, or if Sir would be more appropriate.

In the closing ceremony of the con, it got real emotional for everyone, as this was the last one. I got choked up a bit, even though I haven’t been to as many as some of the other people in the room. It’s always sad to see something come to an end that everyone loves so much.

Been A While

I haven’t updated this blog in a while. I meant to two nights ago. Due to the snowstorm, I was in a hotel, thanks to my job. I ended up updating my Tumblr blogs, but didn’t get around to this one. Not that I didn’t have anything to say, I just wanted to make my next post a good one.

I think one thing I can blame the dry spell in posts is my lack of free time lately. I’ve been covering for a coworker of mine who took three weeks off to go to Florida. It’s hard to find time when you’re delivering to two buildings every day and having several other things to occupy your time. Anyway, enough about work, this is supposed to be a non-vanilla blog.

A couple weeks ago, S and I had a scene in the living room. She tied me up by the fireplace and used Her rhythm canes on my bare ass, thighs, and feet. Sometimes it hurt, other times it felt great, and therapeutic. I screamed a bit, and finally cried, yet no tears came out. It was a beautiful release.

I helped give S an orgasm on Sunday. It was the first time in a while. Suckling on Her right breast, gently rubbing my fingers around Her labia and clit, feeling Her wetness. Once I felt it, I inserted a finger, then another. I massaged around the inside of Her pussy while I suckled on her breast. She grabbed one of Her vibrators, put it between my palm and Her crotch, and I massaged it into Her while moving my fingers around inside Her. It was amazing, She climaxed, squeezed my hand between her thighs, and we lay there in bed for a little while longer. I hope to do that again this weekend, maybe more.

It’s been a few weeks since my last orgasm, but I’m finding this denial period helpful to me. I feel like I’ve evolved a bit more in some ways. I’m more cuddly with S. I feel more submissive now than before. I think I’ve also discovered the more She touches me, the easier my body feels aroused. S got Her hair cut a bit shorter the other day. I find it sexy on Her. Her androgynous energy turns me on a lot. I think about Her all the time. I think I’m starting to get more in touch with my emotions with Her. It’s been hard for me to be fully open, even if I have been feeling like I was before. I’m learning that I may have broken off more layers of this protective shell I’ve hid everything away in for so long.

Monday, I was in a hotel room for the night, because my job put me up in one. I missed S so much, I arranged the pillows on the bed so I could spoon them, like I spoon S every night in bed. I also took some pictures as I was feeling not only submissive, but slutty.

The bath shot was from before the other shots, and I’m still nicely marked from the rhythm canes.

Bound in Boston is this weekend, I look forward to whatever activities S has planned for us. It’s good to have a weekend to get away and indulge.

Fetish Flea and The Weekend

This weekend, I went to my fourth overall con with S, and my second Fetish Flea (technically third, but I didn’t get to experience it the way it was intended). We attended some interesting classes, two of which were presented by Midori. She was entertaining and educational, I really enjoyed her, as I think everyone else did. Her interrogation and humiliation demos were fantastic!

The tying your man down class was fun, as it always is. I love being tied up. I also believe the instructor really likes us. The hypnosis classes were good too. I feel like doing the demonstrations in the class can’t work as well compared to doing it privately. I found it hard to focus. I also think the hand gestures used to put me under made it hard to keep a straight face. Both classes were informative as well. The bastinado class was incredibly short, and the instructor reminded me a lot of Amy Poehler. The chastity class was great. There wasn’t much that she taught that I hadn’t seen, read, or heard of online, but I enjoyed the class greatly. I’ve enjoyed the chastity experience I’ve been having, and I think the course increased my desire to be caged. The Chakra class was a tough one. The breathing exercises were moving too fast, and it was incredibly hard to focus when you are in a room next door to Rocky Horror. I had a hard time keeping up with the instructor’s pace, but it did help with relaxation and replenishing/increasing energy.

I got to meet S’ friend J, who she’s known for a long time. He’s cute, very sweet. We got to meet his Domme and Her husband and a few of their friends/partners(?) over dinner at a Thai restaurant. It was my first time wearing my kilt outside of a kink event, so I was a bit nervous, self-conscious at first. But nobody gave any judgmental looks or stares.

We had a scene later on that night. I was feeling slutty and got on all fours, almost into a yoga pose. She gently touched my back with Her right hand, gliding down to my ass. With Her left hand, She teased my nipples. Breathing heavy and softly moaning, She teased my asshole with Her finger. I could feel the excitement in my cock as it began to drip and harden slightly. She stopped for a moment to get a towel to put under me. She also grabbed some lube, a glove, and Her cock (I believe). She put the lube on my ass, massaged and inserted a finger, which turned into two, and I could feel Her rubbing my prostate as She teased my nipples, cock, and balls with her other hand. I could feel the in and out action increase a bit, and I think She had started to insert a third finger. That’s when my heavy breathing and moaning turned into screaming. The pleasure of Her hitting my prostate was increasing, but I was starting to feel some pain as I hadn’t stretched my ass like that in a while- I hadn’t been plugged or fucked with a dildo in quite a while, so it hurt a bit. She knew she may have gone too far because of my strange sounds, so She asked if She should stop. I said yes, because I was close to saying the safe word anyway. When we stopped, I told Her I love Her, and She lay down and then I kissed Her, licked and suckled on Her nipples, working my way down. I licked, kissed Her inner thighs, and sucked on Her labia, kissed and licked Her clit, breathing in Her natural scent, taking Her all in, and licking Her to satisfy our hunger. She needed and deserved an orgasm, much more than I did. I played with Her nipples, tasted Her pussy, and moaned into her as I licked up her juices. I could feel Her thighs squeeze my head, and afterward She pushed me away, which I’m guessing She climaxed.

We talked more about safe words, when to say them, why I haven’t said any yet, and how it doesn’t help with trust. Honestly, I have been wanting to say it, but I keep wanting to test my limits, which I don’t know if we have reached them yet, with the exception of the ass play that night. I feel like I have a high tolerance for pain and punishment, and perhaps I haven’t been truly broken yet. We might have to push me further.

One of the things S purchased was a leather harness. She told me if I hit the gym and got in better shape, She would buy me one. I was surprised to learn with the weight/fat loss/muscle gain, I fit into a small harness instead of a medium. I love the harness, and I almost want to wear it every night when I get home, along with my collar. Speaking of collars, She also purchased a leather bow tie, and we had my collar cleaned at the bootblacking station. She also picked up a few other sticks to add to Her arsenal.

Monday, we slept in for quite a while. It eventually turned into me licking Her yummy pussy while She encouraged me with her feet to move my ass in the air, telling me to get ready for his cock to fuck me right. She then had me lay on my back, positioned Her pussy over my face so I could lick it some more, but more so She could tease my perineum. After some caressing, rubbing down there, She got me hard enough to get on top and said “show me you want it” and I began to thrust my hips. I think something must have driven me over the edge because I felt myself cum after a few thrusts, I barely lasted thirty seconds, if that even. After all that, S didn’t cum. I felt guilty not giving Her what She deserved.

Later that night, I asked if I could wear my harness. She said “only if you’re plugged” which I gladly made sure I was. My ass felt better by then. I was ordered to insert the plug in front of Her, so She could watch it go in, and hear me moan as it made its way inside me. We watched two episodes of Altered Carbon before I was allowed to take out the plug. My ass needs more training.

Overall, it was a fun weekend. I can’t wait for BiB next month.


Yesterday I modeled nude for an art event. It was my first time and I enjoyed it. The mood was lightened when the musician started playing a Little Mermaid song during my first pose. It was hard not to laugh, but I mostly kept my pose. Second pose was tougher, but it was a lot of fun. I think I may have found my calling, lol.

I had an interesting thing happen today just before I left work. I had to pee quickly, so I went to the bathroom. After I finished, I zipped up and felt the urge to go again. I unzipped, got my cock out, and not pee, but something that looked like cum came out. It was like I came, but I didn’t. It was only a couple of droplets. I was really confused by this. I wonder if this is a result of being restricted on my orgasms. My last one was on the 28th(?), I wonder if this is my body adjusting to orgasm denial.

This weekend is the Flea, and I can’t wait. There are some classes I look forward to, and meeting up with some people I’ve met at parties and classes, as well as people S knows that I’ll finally get to meet in person. I have some money saved up, I’m looking forward to seeing what vendors will have too.

Sunday Cumday

I should have mentioned earlier that S allowed me to cum Sunday morning (27 days since the previous on 1/1?), but only while She could too. She continued to ride me afterward to see if I could cum again, but after my orgasm, I got giggly because the sensation is too much. It’s something relatively new to me. Before being with S, I never giggled after an orgasm. I noticed I got more vocal as I approached orgasm. This tease/denial/chastity thing is really exciting for me. I feel like it can be more rewarding than if I were allowed to cum every night. That’s how being single was, for me at least. I would get home, look at some porn or read some stories on Literotica late at night before bed, and masturbate until I came once (or twice, if I wasn’t satisfied enough). It was routine for me, and I think it got boring. She has control of my orgasms now, so anytime I cum, it’s for Her, and it feels like Christmas and my birthday combined when I get to cum. Maybe my next time I cum for Her I can lick Her clean afterward to show my appreciation and gratefulness to Her.