I haven’t been updating as much as I would like. This has been because of a lot of different reasons. Our dog recently hurt his leg, and will be going in for surgery in a little over a week. Also, S has been in the process of buying a house (I wanted to stay out of the financial part, mostly because I didn’t want to hurt her chances at a good mortgage rate). There has also been the added stress of moving- again, which will be my sixth time in seven years- and there’s also the added drama of work. With work, it’s mostly about our department losing employees to retirement and better career changes. I have been feeling the added pressure to get out of there, find a real job, get as many useful certifications as possible, do some shadowing in other departments, anything to get out of my current situation.
While I have all this going on in my head, in my life, I feel like I’ve put off any progress in my personal life. While S is sleeping, I’m writing this (She’s not feeling well and I had a nap earlier). I think last time I had mentioned some of my evolving thoughts about my role as S’ sub. I have been gradually transferring most of my finances over to Her. I had been mentioning my interest in sounding recently, and another thing was the possibility of getting a Prince Albert piercing. I think I’m 85% in favor of getting one. I’m still reading up on it through FetLife groups and other sites online. Maybe after the move it can be something more likely to happen. My nipples are still healing from the hoops, so I figure once I’ve gone a while with them fully healed, maybe I can increase the hoop size.
One of the things I had been hoping to do this year was get a new tattoo. I wasn’t expecting it to happen as quickly as it did, but here I am, with an idea I had a while back. I wanted to get an ampersand tattoo, but was never truly sure where I’d want it.
We are currently spending the weekend in Provincetown, and we saw some tattoo shops in the neighborhood, so we stopped in two different locations. We settled for Coastline, and this was what I stuck with. I wanted it to be small, but not too small, and wanted it bold. This is something that I learned from my constellation and FireWire tattoos. I went with helvetica font, seeing as it’s a more visually pleasing font, and will not look too dated ever.
Why the ampersand? Because as a child, I’d watch Wheel Of Fortune with my grandmother, and occasionally an ampersand would appear in the puzzle. I asked her what it was, and she told me it’s an ampersand. Over the years, I taught myself how to write the ampersand, and it has always been my favorite symbol, or logogram. I think as I have gotten older, the meaning of the ampersand has evolved with me- as someone who has never been definite with choices, whether it be a favorite item, an answer to a question, and my preference of gender in my sexual attraction.
I want to say a Happy Valentine’s Day to my partner, S, who without Her, I wouldn’t be where I am in my life today. She has guided me in the right direction and encouraged me to be more open about who I am as a person, sexuality, and encouraged me to pursue a new profession. I owe everything I am now to Her.
It’s been a busy year so far, but I hope all of you have a happy Valentine’s Day. I don’t think we have plans tonight, but who needs to go out and spend money when we have a large supply of food, booze, and a fireplace?
I think I have been too quiet. I don’t update as frequently as I used to. Sunday, we had sex for the first time in a couple weeks, and it didn’t take much for me to reach orgasm. I think S has just put me inside Her and one thrust caused me to cum. I feel guilty for cumming so quickly, but when I have given up masturbation and am denied orgasm by S, it really doesn’t take much to cause me to climax. I would like to work up to a chastity cage, but I still have to get measured for that. I think that could be fun to try. I know that’s what S was telling me, because we don’t want to get a cage too big or too small. I’ve also been researching sounding, which intrigued me when I would see it in porn. Another thing I’d like to work up to, eventually.
My nipples have been healing well. I’m about six months into wearing the hoops, and there hasn’t been any bleeding for at least a couple weeks. Still a little crusty, but I’m cleaning them as regularly as possible. One thing I’ve noticed is I think my nipples are getting bigger since putting in the hoops. I’m not sure if anyone else experienced that after getting them pierced, but I’ll have to post a picture sometime.
A few nights ago, I told S that I had experienced something I hadn’t experienced since I was a teenager. I woke myself up before it could happen, but I had a wet dream. I could feel it getting ready to happen. I jumped out of bed fast, holding my cock. I could feel strings of precum on my inner thighs. I rushed to the toilet because I thought I had to pee, but it was just precum oozing out. I sometimes wonder if wet dreams are the result of not having an orgasm for a period of time. I had to look at a calendar to figure out the time it happened, because the dream I had was non-sexual. I was having a video conference mock interview for a job for this program I had entered at my full time job. During the middle of the interview, I had to pee so badly I couldn’t hold it much longer. I almost wet myself at the desk, and that prompted me to wake up because I “needed to pee.” It was such a strange feeling, and I feel like I was more embarrassed in my mind because “who the fuck has wet dreams about work??”
On a different topic, S got me a vibrating prostate massager for Christmas. I have yet to use it, it’s one of only a few items from Christmas I haven’t used yet. I would like to try it out sometime soon, it’s just a matter of distracting the dog long enough to use it.
Happy new year everyone! I haven’t really had time to reflect on 2018, but thinking of my journey with my partner, I think I’ve made some progress. One thing I started doing halfway through the year was set up an orgasm chart. Basically, any time I cum, I record it. Here’s a screen shot of it:
It’s got room for improvement, but that’s what it looks like so far. Last orgasm was December 2nd, and it was a short intercourse session with S, but we both came, more importantly, She did.
Another big thing was celebrating a full year with the nipple piercings. A couple weeks after the anniversary date, we switched the bars out for hoops. My next goal is either go up a gauge size on the piercings, or chance it with a Prince Albert. I’ve read a bit on the healing process, and I may have to read more about it.
2018 has been a distracting year for me. I have been doing some things to help improve my career advancement, so I haven’t been in my right mind to fully focus on my tasks as S’ sub. I still do a lot for Her, but I know I can do more and do better. My goal in 2019 is to be a better sub all across the board. I know I can do this. I think the addition of a new dog has taken a lot out of us as well. It’s hard to be sexual when a puppy is watching.
So, I mentioned in September that it had been a year since I got my nipples pierced.
About a week or so after the year mark, S took me back to the place to get hoops. I’m not sure how long after I took this picture, but I had it saved in here so I could update eventually. I thought I had already posted this before, but I’ve had a lot on my plate. I think I’m approaching the two month mark within the next week or so. It has been a process of healing all over again. I have been thinking that I’ll eventually get a bigger gauge than what’s in right now. Also, I’m still debating a Prince Albert piercing. I think it would look good on me, but I worry about the healing process down there, seeing as I’m uncut.
Also, I had mentioned that I was going to keep track of my orgasms, and since that date, I’ve only had 3 orgasms- 7/22, 8/13, and 10/19, all through intercourse. I’ve been thinking about it, and I think the next time I have an orgasm, I should clean it out of Her with my tongue, if She wishes for me to do so.
It’s been tough to do anything sexual, since we have a dog now, but we’ve found some moments here and there.
A couple weeks ago marked a year of having my nipples pierced. Within that year, I managed to maintain following the cleaning/aftercare instructions provided to me by the piercing shop.
While the left one healed within a few months, the right one took a while longer. I think around late June/early July, it showed signs of fully healing. Last weekend, S surprised me by taking me back to get some new jewelry. So now I have hoops, and this is taking some getting used to again, as the right one is a bit sore and getting scabby.
There was a suggestion that I go for thicker/bigger size bars/hoops, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, since these are getting back into the healing process. I like the hoops though, they are a bit more fun to play with.
The above picture was the combination of before I got them pierced and after I got them pierced, and the lower picture is the hoops.
Touch has been a strange subject for me. I’ve always been a welcoming recipient of touching. I love the feeling of someone’s fingers and hands exploring my body, and immediately turning to mush when they touch a highly sensitive spot (like the back of my head, lower back, sides, and hip bones). I love my ears and nipples being touched as well- they aren’t as sensitive, but they’re up there, and it feels really good.
Something about being touched brings me deeper into submission, my mind and body begging for more, but knowing it could just be teasing.
I like to touch as well, but with it being summer, I know S doesn’t handle heat well, and sometimes my touch can be too warm/hot for Her. I stick mostly to stroking Her legs, rubbing lotion on Her feet, giving Her an intimate foot rub, involving a little licking and suckling of Her toes.
Lately, I’ve been wearing my harness more regularly. It’s actually brought me to thinking about my place. I feel like I have so much more to go with how I am as a sub. I do what I believe to be a lot of things around the house to lighten the workload for S, yard work, cleaning, and many other things. We have our ritual of putting on my collar when I get home after I undress, just before dinner. I think since I have started wearing my harness, I have found myself choosing to sit on the floor after dinner while S and I watch tv. While I think we both enjoy me cuddling up to Her on the couch, I’m starting to feel a little more desire to sit at Her feet.
I feel like the harness has amped up my submissiveness. I like it.