Over the pandemic, I’ve really embraced my gender identity, but I’ve also questioned it as well. Am I feminine or masculine enough? What can I do to feel like I’m in a good place with my gender? Should I dress more femme? Am I too masculine?
I think I’ve made some progress, yet I also feel like I’m still kind of closeted. I don’t really like the term closeted, and I don’t really think I am closeted either. I think I am out to the right people, and not everyone needs to know I am genderfluid. I’m wearing a dress as I write this, as well as a thong and WOXER briefs. I have three dresses, and my WOXER collection is close to a dozen pair. Working from home has allowed me to reach a good level of comfort and freedom to wear what I want. I don’t go on camera for meetings much, so I don’t really have to worry about fitting the masculine look while working from home.
I am still getting manicures and pedicures, and I haven’t received any negative feedback, which is good for me. Women and some men have complimented the colors I choose, so that’s been a great feeling. I think it’s great to embrace things that are traditionally considered exclusively for women, breaking the gender barrier and gender norms. With that said, there are a few things most women do which I won’t do. I will never again shave my legs or pits. I’ve explored that in the past, and I have enough hair, I don’t see the purpose of being completely hairless. I will, however, shave my genital area and ass. This is something that I do to please Sir, but also for myself, as I believe that male genitals should be as visible as possible, and also as a submissive, I believe this is a requirement. I will not shave my chest either. That is time consuming, and I go through razors too quickly when I have done it in the past. I don’t have any interest in wearing makeup, heels, or putting on wigs. I don’t see the point in makeup unless I’m dressing up for Halloween or if Sir suggests I wear some. I have tried heels before, and surprisingly, I can walk in a pair, but I don’t think they’re practical to wear all the time. I struggled with hair when I had it, it would be weird to start wearing wigs after shaving my head for 12+ years. Since I’m bald, I shave my head where any hair remains, and keep my face clean shaven when I shave.
When I’m not at home, I dress mostly masculine. No dresses, but I wear the WOXER underwear, Play Out underwear, and racer back tank tops that I found on Amazon. It allows me to still feel femme even if I’m dressed as my AMAB self. I don’t plan on changing this much, and when I’m at the gym, I wear men’s workout clothing, but it’s more form fitting as opposed to my older gym clothes which were more loose-fitting.
I just purchased a new pair of glasses on Zenni, which I’m considering as a backup pair, but if I decide I like them more than what I’m wearing now, I might work them into my rotation. They are purple, so not a traditionally masculine color, but still a men’s style.
How would I describe my style? I’d say I’m kind of butch femme, but still more masculine leaning. I feel comfortable where I am with this, and I think I’d like to maybe add another dress or a couple skirts to my wardrobe. I’m looking to keep myself mostly gender neutral, but I’d like to balance the masculine and feminine style a bit more. It sounds conflicting, and confusing, now that I put it in writing.
Bound To Serve Them 