Recovery

Ten years ago was one of, if not, the worst years of my life. Mom lost the house and got divorced from my stepdad, the stepsons ruined the house while in the process of selling it, my ex broke up with me, and I got an OUI two days before my birthday. While I was going through the 24D program in MA, my mom had to drive me to the classes each week. The whole experience was highly expensive, and I’d never recommend trying it. During that time, I stayed sober for six weeks. I lived mostly alone. It was depressing. I almost died in the bathtub one night because I fell asleep while taking a bath.

The couple years after that, I found a way to not binge drink like I did that horrid night. I also started to distance myself from a specific group of people I thought were friends. In a way, they were, but I grew up and moved on.

Fast forward to my time with Sir. I’ve been with Them for 6 1/2 years. I learned how to drink properly and pair food with such drinks. Last year, when my mom died, I didn’t think of how it would affect me. When I cleaned out her apartment, I found a bottle of Sambuca. There wasn’t much left, just about a sip, so I finished it off. One day, I brought a pint of Jameson and had a few sips while cleaning up. I made the pint last for four or five of those days. As the pandemic picked up, my workplace had us work from home. Since I was using the upstairs office area, I would have a coffee and water with me. A few months later, I began drinking a couple nips a day while working from home. Some days I would fall asleep or pass out at the desk. One of the sober days, I took our dog for a walk. This was in March- before the nip drinking picked up. As I was walking him in the park, he pulled me hard and I fell down, knocked myself out for a long time since I hit my head. I think the concussion I received from the fall caused me to be different in a lot of ways. My drinking increased, got out of hand, and when Sur asked if I had been drinking, I would deny it. I was ashamed that I was doing this, but this was my way of dealing with stress, depression, and everything in between.

Last night I made the same stupid mistakes I made ten years ago. I drove drunk. A Samaritan stopped me in a parking lot and forced me to sit in my car while I sober up. The police got involved, Sir came by to talk to me, and I eventually went in an ambulance to the hospital. My car got towed, and I recovered in the hospital. I will be talking to a therapist at a place I want to last month, maybe do some sessions with them starting next year. After last night, I never want to drink again. I will commit to sobriety and never look back. I also learned of an LGBT+ AA meeting on Zoom, which I may attend. I’m done being a piece of shit. It’s time I act my age.